Once you go Crossfit, you never go back

A couple of years ago, when Crossfit started blooming in Québec, I decided to give it a try. My verdict – I hated it! I thought it was too fast and too technical for anybody who had never lifted to just do it, and I had some lifting experience, just not the crossfit one. The true reason was, I wasn’t new to the training scene but Crossfit was an entirely different type of training than what I was used to and therefore, I completely sucked at it! Being the perfectionist that I am, I decided it wasn’t for me and that I didn’t like it. I took me years to get comfortable in a weight room, learning programs and new exercises every day. Why would I put myself through another type of fitness related stuff, looking like an idiot trying something new, when I had weight training and my competitions. My verdict at the time; Crossfit sucks! Now, don’t get all up on your horses here. That was 2 years ago when I was younger and couldn’t stand not being good at something new I tried right away.

A little over a month ago, I decided to give Crossfit another shot. Did I suck at it? Yes. Was it difficult? Yes. Did I hate it? Hell no! I fell in love with a brand new challenge along with the mentality coming with it. You see, in the world of crossfit, you do compete against others but your biggest challenger is yourself. Unlike fitness, nobody cares what you look like, what color suit you picked and how you did your hair. It doesn’t matter if your legs are more developed than your shoulders or if you’re not “dry enough” comes competition time. With crossfit you push yourself everyday to life heavier but also faster. It has a great mix between cardiovascular training and lifting as well as gymnastics.

Every day when I go in, I never know what to expect, I still get this tingling feeling in the pit of my stomach, a mix between excitement and fear, a good fear, more like a sort of good anxiety because I want to nail whatever will be written on the board that day. There’s always something new, wether it’s a snatch or a pistol. There’s always a time to beat, a weight to target or repetitions do to as many time as you can. It always changes keeping your body guessing.

Another positive point for crossfit is the amount of energy burned during a single session. Since I’ve started, my appetite went through the roof. I now consume probably twice as many calories as I used to and haven’t packed a pound. I’ve put on muscles, especially on my back, thanks to all those pull ups, but I’m almost as lean as I was when prepping for my last competition, and God knows I’m not counting calories anymore. I don’t eat junk, except for a pop tart here and there (seriously, it’s like I’m 5 and discovering pop tarts for the first time these days), but I also don’t follow a strict diet like I did a few months back. I just make sure to balance my proteins and my carbs and to throw in some veggies. I eat when I’m hungry and I eat until I’m full. I also eat thinking I want to have enough energy for crossfit, yes I am obsessed.

Crossfit has really given me a new perspective on fitness. It’s helping me on my new quest for a balanced and fit lifestyle. I incorporate 2 or 3 crossfit sessions in my week depending on how I feel and complete the week with some weight training. I don’t have a fixed workout program as I adjust it according to what we did during crossfit. Crossfit is truly my new obsession and for those of you who personally know me, once I’m obsessed, I’M OBSESSED!

If you haven’t tried it yet, you should give it a go for sure. Crossfit is challenging, hard and awesome!

 

To compete or not to compete

Over the past few weeks I’ve been wondering to myself why I had this strong desire to compete. Is this really want I wanted to do? Why? What would it bring? Satisfaction to achieve something maybe? Do I want to be the next Nicole Wilkins? Of course. Is it possible considering I work full-time as a nurse, go to school and plan on having a family in a near future? Probably not. I love training and always thought that I needed that specific goal to keep me motivated. To be honest, the whole tanning, buying heels and getting all dolled up just to step on stage doesn’t appeal to me anymore. Yes these people on stage have incredible physiques, but do I need to show it off in order to feel proud of myself. Yes people competing are amazing athletes but do I want to dehydrate myself to get that dried up look? And what about that post competition feeling – that fear of gaining that weight back. Let’s be realistic here – I’m never going to become the next Nicole Wilkins or Erin Stern and those girls do not walk around all year round looking shredded as they do on stage. It’s all about balance. I thought I could do it all, I realized now that competing might be causing me some unnecessary stress that I don’t need. I’m a girl who loves to eat healthy and who loves to train. I love to push my limits and set goals but maybe competing in a fitness competition isn’t what I need. I’m probably going to get a few haters after this post, don’t get me wrong – I’m not dissing anybody in the fitness industry. I just don’t think it’s for me. Back in high school, I used to hate myself and suffered from bulimia and anorexia. The truth is, the closer I get to a competition, the closer I get to this feeling on control and fear I had back in those days. I’m not a vain person, I don’t need for people to see my 6 pack on stage to feel good about myself. Not that everybody who competes is vain. I just don’t think I’ve been wanting to compete for the right reasons – I thought it would bring me that body I’ve always wanted and that peace of mind but au contraire – it has made that feeling worse. Younger, I always needed people’s approval in order to love myself but at the end of the day, I’m the only one who matters the most. I don’t want to put myself through insanely strict diets and dehydration just to feel “liked” or feel better about myself. I’m a fit girl, I’ll always be, I eat healthy and always will but I’m in quest for balance. I want to find that joy I had after a workout, that feeling of satisfaction. Not a feeling of “having to go” to the gym or “having to cut down” on food because my body fat doesn’t drop quickly enough for showtime. I love transforming my body, playing with exercises and bringing up some parts of my body that need some work. I said it and will say it again – competing isn’t for me anymore. I’m not that 16 years old little girl who needs people to tell her she’s beautiful in order to feel beautiful. I KNOW I am beautiful and as corny as this will sound – inside and out. So there, you have it. FItness competition are no longer in my future.

Want to know what is? Because I’m a goal driven person and I wouldn’t be able to just quit competing and leave it at that of course. I used to play basketball in high school and loved that team feeling. After 4 concussions I had to stop and never picked up another sport by fear of not being good at it. But I miss that competition feeling, the team feeling. I’ve recently experienced this feeling through crossfit. I’ve been going twice a week and met awesome people – we always push ourselves and encourage each other. And boy let me tell you – I have plenty of personal goals I can work on in this areas – toes to bar, kipping, snatch, clean and press. All so exciting. Plus the feeling of having completed something doesn’t come from stepping on a stage all oiled up and shredded – it comes from being able to lift heavier or beat your time, to set your PR higher. I watched a friendly competition over the weekend and found that team spirit again. Yes ,you’re by yourself performing the workout but your teammates are there too suffering through it, just like you. I saw the look of satisfaction on my friend’s face after completing her set. It was amazing. People cheering, people pushing themselves and not just standing there doing quarter turns all dried up. So you have it. I’m not putting the weight room behind and I’m not 200% sold to crossfit. I’m balancing between both, using the weight room to work on those muscles that are weaker during crossfit. I’m not putting this blog behind and I will still be posting recipes. I’ll also still follow fitness competitions, I just don’t dream of it. I’m expanding my horizons and who knows, maybe in a year or so I’ll be competing in crossfit. So stay tuned, we’re taking a different path but I’m still on a fitness journey that is filled with goals. Keep following people.

Balance

The word I’ve been stressing the most lately to everybody around be, balance. That’s what it’s all about. You need balance in your life no matter what you do; balance between fun and work, between activity and rest, between time with your friends and alone time. You need balance in your diet, balance in your training – those chest and arms guys with no legs – you get the point. While getting ready for my competition, it hit me how I lost all sense of balance – and it hit me hard. I was so focused on getting results fast, I would do everything it would take thus neglecting pretty much everything else around me. I had no energy to make love to my boyfriend – or should I say, my fiancé – was dragging my feet around at work and would cry all the time for no reason. I still hear my coach telling me “It’s normal, only focus on the competition, you’ll cry all the time but that’s ok, stay focused”. Do you know what happens when you stare at something for so long, without blinking, almost forgetting to breathe? That thing you stare at becomes blurry until you can no longer recognize it.

Everything got blurry, I couldn’t recognize myself anymore, this impatient burned out girl obsessed with this one competition was not happy, and hey! I wanted to compete for fun! I’m not making a career out of it, I already have a job I love. My relationship suffered from it, my house was a mess and I could barely focus at work. It hit me in the face hard one day, at work, when I made the biggest mistake of my life and gave 10 times the dose of morphine prescribed to a patient. 10 times! Luckily nothing happened to this patient. Of couse admitting this huge error was hard, I had to face her family, the doctor and my boss. I take this mistake very seriously, and still apologize to the family and think about it every time I step into that room. That I get cold and hungry all the time because of a diet and intense training was one thing, but that the patients I care for get to pay the price for a hobby of mine was unacceptable. Under the light of this mistake, I told my coach I would no longer compete and that I got really scared and needed to get my act together. Still to this day, she doesn’t understand my reaction but that’s ok – I don’t think we see things the same way anyways. No need to say I cried for days because quitting competing wasn’t what I wanted to do and I still felt, and still feel, horrible about what happened at the hospital. I woke up one day and realized – fitness is my passion, it’s a hobby of mind and there’s got to be a way to compete without putting yourself to the street mentally and physically. I do understand that it’s hard and requires many sacrifices. But I’m also convinced there’s a way to do it and keep a healthy lifestyle while balanced meals everyday. That’s what I’m gonna do. I’m about to prove you all out there that you don’t need to eat tilapia and egg whites 20 times a day to step on stage in the shape you want.

So here’s the plan – let’s scratch the next competition on October 26th, it’s too soon. November 23rd, IDFA is where I’m aiming.

After discussing with Dylan, a friend of mine whom I’ve seen get in the craziest shape of his life over the past few years, I came up with a new way to look at things and a new force driving me. I’m gonna add variety to my diet and focus on macronutrients. I’m weighing in at 150lbs as I’m typing this (yes I actually ran to my scale to give you an accurate weight). When looking at macros, I want 1 to 1.5g of protein per pounds, 0.3 to 0.5g of fats per pounds and between 100 to 300g of carbs a day. Because my goal is to keep cutting some fat, I’m leaning towards the lower end of those number – 1g of protein would give me 150g a day. We’re looking at 60g of fat a day and 150g of carbs. If you take in consideration those numbers, knowing that 1g of carbs and 1g of proteins both equal 4 calories and that 1g of fat equals 9 calories, I would be eating 1 740 calories a day which is a bit low but tolerable. Still following? Keeping those numbers in mind, I would be able to write my diet and still eat things that are apparently “banned” from the competition world – you just watch me!

I’m not dissing everybody who has a very strict diet evolving around chicken and broccoli, if that’s your thing, go for it. I’m just taking a different route, trying to prove that it is possible to still enjoy food, family time, training and to not almost kill someone at work.

I now have 6 weeks to put my new plan and philosophy to work – balance is key! And for those of you who enjoy when I post recipes, you’ll be happy to know that with me eating things other than tilapia and chicken, I will have some more interesting recipes to post.

So stay tuned for some interesting changes, I’ve already came a long way and lost 20lbs. I would like to lose another 10 while still staying mentally stable. Let’s do this! Who’s with me?

To see pics of how far I’ve come so far, make sure to follow me on instagram @fitness_soph

Progress so far

 

Queen of comebacks

Let’s be real – I am the queen of comebacks! How many times did I put aside this blog, putting on hold all dreams and hope I had for a promising future in the fitness industry. I know – 3! This is the third time I’m sitting in front of my laptop full of motivation, trying to convince you that I’ll be the next Nicole Wilkins or Justine Munro. You know what they say, third time is a charm.

The thing is, I shouldn’t be worrying about who is reading this and who I’m convincing of whatever it is I’m trying to prove. I’m not trying to prove anything. I have to convince myself first. Throughout the past years, I needed to make sure I was ready to let fitness enter in my life. Sure, I’ve always been an active girl, but was I ready to make all the sacrifices necessary to do this? To invest time, sweat and let’s face it, money, into it? A year ago, the answer would have been no. A year ago, I was still trying to figure out which city I wanted to live in, what I wanted to do in life, struggling between nursing and personal training, thinking I could do it all. The truth is I carried way too many eggs in one basket – I dropped that basket and broke all my eggs. But eh, one’s got to break eggs to make an omelet, right? After thinking I had wasted my time moving from Montreal to Toronto, after thinking I wouldn’t be a good nurse because I was scared, I turned around and faced it all. I realized I’ve always had this “running away” mentality. I didn’t do on purpose. But it was easier to run away from my fears and pretend they didn’t exist than to face them.

A little over a year ago I moved back home. Back at mom and dad’s after 6 years of being away, it felt like a failure to move back there at 24 years old. Especially after saying over and over that I would NEVER come back to Quebec. I didn’t like who I was in my high school days when I lived there – this insecure, afraid girl, always hard on herself, binging and purging, hurting her body when she couldn’t take on more pain. An anxious girl, drinking from time to time to numb her feelings, pretending everything was alright when in reality, she hated herself. I know that everything I went through made me who I am today. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason so here I am. I got my nursing license, I now have a job which I love and where I feel like I make a difference.

Going through with my nursing license was a big deal for me as I thought I would never practice as a nurse, didn’t think it was for me. In reality, the license exam scared the living hell out of me. I hate feeling like I’m being watched and judged so imagine my feeling going from one room to another, being examined while acting like a nurse with an actor playing a patient. I use to vomit just thinking about the practical exam. I made it especially hard on myself since I decided to pass my exam a whole year after graduating, without practicing in the field and by writing the exam in French when I studied in English. Yes I’m bilingual but let me tell you, French and English medical terms aren’t always easy to interchange. Passing this exam is by far my biggest accomplishment.

With a nursing license in my pocket, a secured full-time job and more confidence, as well as a stronger relationship with my family (which was also one of the reasons I moved back to Quebec), I am now ready to fulfill my dreams of becoming a successful fitness model. I never put fitness aside as it is my biggest passion. But I watched, listened and read about it all. I come back stronger than ever, more confident and motivated to pursue my journey which I had barely started 2 years ago. Third time is a charm, I’m telling ya’!

So get back on this page, subscribe and follow me on my journey to become an IFBB pro. Starting in 19 days where I’m making my debut on the IDFA stage in Montreal followed by 2 competitions on later in October and at the beginning of November. My IFBB pro card is far down the road, I’m aiming to get it in a couple of years. In the mean time, follow me through my writing, my recipes, my photos (photo shoot coming up with the amazing Mark Bradfield next week!) and my little random rants.

Thank you for reading me,

Hello world!

My name is Sophie and if you happened to stumble on this page, it’s either because you know me, and I told you to follow it, or because, just like me, you’re passionate about fitness. Either way, thanks for following!

I’m an aspiring fitness model and who truly hopes to be able to one day, call herself a true fitness model. For now I’m learning about the buisiness, working as a personal training and training hard for diverse fitness competitions.

Just like you, I love learning about new nutrition tips, new workouts and new ways to spice up my active lifestyle. I also love to share my growing knowledge with people who are as interested and curious as I am. There’s a ton of information out there and it’s by sharing, asking questions and reading, that we can get what we need. Hopefully this blog has everything you’re looking for, whether it’s inpiration, motivation or whether you are a friend or family member curious about the path I’ve embarqued on towards my goal – becoming a fitness model.

Don’t forget to subscribe so you can get email updates whenever I post something new. Also, don’t be shy to drop me a line or a comment if you have any questions.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!