Over the past few weeks I’ve been wondering to myself why I had this strong desire to compete. Is this really want I wanted to do? Why? What would it bring? Satisfaction to achieve something maybe? Do I want to be the next Nicole Wilkins? Of course. Is it possible considering I work full-time as a nurse, go to school and plan on having a family in a near future? Probably not. I love training and always thought that I needed that specific goal to keep me motivated. To be honest, the whole tanning, buying heels and getting all dolled up just to step on stage doesn’t appeal to me anymore. Yes these people on stage have incredible physiques, but do I need to show it off in order to feel proud of myself. Yes people competing are amazing athletes but do I want to dehydrate myself to get that dried up look? And what about that post competition feeling – that fear of gaining that weight back. Let’s be realistic here – I’m never going to become the next Nicole Wilkins or Erin Stern and those girls do not walk around all year round looking shredded as they do on stage. It’s all about balance. I thought I could do it all, I realized now that competing might be causing me some unnecessary stress that I don’t need. I’m a girl who loves to eat healthy and who loves to train. I love to push my limits and set goals but maybe competing in a fitness competition isn’t what I need. I’m probably going to get a few haters after this post, don’t get me wrong – I’m not dissing anybody in the fitness industry. I just don’t think it’s for me. Back in high school, I used to hate myself and suffered from bulimia and anorexia. The truth is, the closer I get to a competition, the closer I get to this feeling on control and fear I had back in those days. I’m not a vain person, I don’t need for people to see my 6 pack on stage to feel good about myself. Not that everybody who competes is vain. I just don’t think I’ve been wanting to compete for the right reasons – I thought it would bring me that body I’ve always wanted and that peace of mind but au contraire – it has made that feeling worse. Younger, I always needed people’s approval in order to love myself but at the end of the day, I’m the only one who matters the most. I don’t want to put myself through insanely strict diets and dehydration just to feel “liked” or feel better about myself. I’m a fit girl, I’ll always be, I eat healthy and always will but I’m in quest for balance. I want to find that joy I had after a workout, that feeling of satisfaction. Not a feeling of “having to go” to the gym or “having to cut down” on food because my body fat doesn’t drop quickly enough for showtime. I love transforming my body, playing with exercises and bringing up some parts of my body that need some work. I said it and will say it again – competing isn’t for me anymore. I’m not that 16 years old little girl who needs people to tell her she’s beautiful in order to feel beautiful. I KNOW I am beautiful and as corny as this will sound – inside and out. So there, you have it. FItness competition are no longer in my future.
Want to know what is? Because I’m a goal driven person and I wouldn’t be able to just quit competing and leave it at that of course. I used to play basketball in high school and loved that team feeling. After 4 concussions I had to stop and never picked up another sport by fear of not being good at it. But I miss that competition feeling, the team feeling. I’ve recently experienced this feeling through crossfit. I’ve been going twice a week and met awesome people – we always push ourselves and encourage each other. And boy let me tell you – I have plenty of personal goals I can work on in this areas – toes to bar, kipping, snatch, clean and press. All so exciting. Plus the feeling of having completed something doesn’t come from stepping on a stage all oiled up and shredded – it comes from being able to lift heavier or beat your time, to set your PR higher. I watched a friendly competition over the weekend and found that team spirit again. Yes ,you’re by yourself performing the workout but your teammates are there too suffering through it, just like you. I saw the look of satisfaction on my friend’s face after completing her set. It was amazing. People cheering, people pushing themselves and not just standing there doing quarter turns all dried up. So you have it. I’m not putting the weight room behind and I’m not 200% sold to crossfit. I’m balancing between both, using the weight room to work on those muscles that are weaker during crossfit. I’m not putting this blog behind and I will still be posting recipes. I’ll also still follow fitness competitions, I just don’t dream of it. I’m expanding my horizons and who knows, maybe in a year or so I’ll be competing in crossfit. So stay tuned, we’re taking a different path but I’m still on a fitness journey that is filled with goals. Keep following people.
So-Fit 